Universal Bureau of Fictitious Literature
The Universal Bureau of Fictitious Literature, otherwise known as the Bureau of Fiction, the Bureau (pronounced "bee-yoo-roh"), or the BoF, is a conspiracy theory that allegedly controls the entire universe. Many penguins work in the various Departments of the Bureau, which is headed by the five Masters of the Universe. Background It is unknown how the BoF got here in the first place, or who started. All that is known is that one day a new publishing company, called Ampersand Publishing, Inc., sent several random penguins across Antarctica invitations to work for them, and at a very nice salary. The penguins that accepted were never seen again. For years, random penguins kept on disappearing after they received invitations to work at the same company. A few people noticed, but no one cared. Even stranger was that the company never seemed to publish any books. In fact, their so-called "various offices" were just empty, run-down buildings at random addresses throughout the continent. And yet no one questioned the existence or true motives of Ampersand Publishing, Inc. In 2003, the Philly Cheesesteak Test failed to cloak the S.S. Elfringe. However, the ship was instead sent flying through a strange realm of portals and cats. Several sailors onboard the ship claimed to hear voices in their heads after the experiment. And a few weeks after the test had ended, every single sailor who had participated received the same invitation to work at Ampersand Publishing. They all vanished as well. However, this time someone noticed. Government officials were suspicious about the disappearance of the sailors (after all, the government does keep a record of everyone they work with) and did some investigating. Soon after, they found an archived list of people who had vanished after accepting an invitation to work at Ampersand Publishing. They also found a common trait amongst every single person on the list -- all of them claimed to hear voices in their heads. At this time, the BoF's Masters of the Universe decided they couldn't remain secret for long, and revealed themselves to select members of the government, who agreed to keep everything about the Fourth Wall secret. A new classification level was added to the Classification Code, meant specifically for such topics. In the present, the BoF is known to several penguins who are outside of the organization and have sworn to not spill the beans. The government and BoF also secretly work together in operations against villains like Darktan and Nightmare, while the citizens of Antarctica are completely unaware that someone is controlling their existence. Involvement Coming soon! Facility The Bureau's facilities are located in a void next to the Fourth Wall. The building is in the shape of an immense, hollow, white cylinder, and the Bureau's logo is painted on the ceiling and floor. The entrances to the different Departments are all over the walls, with the Masters' offices being located at the very top of the cylinder, above the logo. In the center of the building is a sprawling maze of wires, rails, and cords, which serve as the basis for the Bureau's transit system, the lifts. These lifts are like roofless, see-through elevators, except that they can move around in any direction using the rails, wires, and cords. Entrances Due to the diversity of the Bureau's workforce, entrances have been established in every single state of the USA, South Pole City, Ternville, and every single country in the Antarctic. Other, more obscure entrances are placed at random towns and areas in case a primary portal fails, or if it is needed. All the entrances involve registering an employee's pass (a golden card with the Bureau logo, the holder's identity and security clearance, and a unique magnetic stripe on it) into the Bureau's main supercomputer. South Pole City Go to the center of South Pole City's business district, Metro, at the 4th Street/W Road intersection. Wait to cross W Road, and swipe your employee's pass across the sign with instructions on when to cross and when not to cross. You will hear a faint beep. Press the "PUSH TO CROSS" button no more or less than 4 times. The beep will sound again, and a nearby manhole will melt away into thin air. Jump into the manhole and you will arrive at the Bureau. Ternville Go to the government district, at the corner of 4th Street and Wayne Drive. The Eastshield Museum of Meteorology is located there. Get inside, and ask the ticket clerk for a "Deluxe Hippenproxy Token". She will ask you to swipe your employee's pass in the credit card slot. A museum pass will come out the cash register, and the clerk will also hand you a blue token. Use the pass to get into the main museum, then head for the elevator. Press the button marked "4" and insert the token into the slot under the elevator buttons. The doors will close, then open again to reveal a large purple portal. Jump into the portal and you will arrive at the Bureau. Eastshield The Eastshieldian entrance to the Bureau is located at Snellville. Go to the SnellBook Library and look in the Conspiracy Theories section. Search for a book titled "I Can Haz Cheeseburgerz: An Illustrated Guide to Memes" (Code Number "XZ-6-Unknown-Ternville#ICANH"). The book is a light blue hardbound. Once you find it, press hard on its spine. The book will move back with a clicking sound and the floor under you will melt away into thin air. After falling down a ten-foot deep hole, you will arrive at the Bureau. Trans-Antarctica The Trans-Antarctican entrance to the Bureau is located at GourdZoid. Go to the vegetable patch. You will find a scarecrow. Wave at him and say the password, "The cake is a lie!" The scarecrow will extend his flipper. Give him your employee's pass, then stand next to him. The patch of ground you and the scarecrow are on will sink into the ground, eventually arriving at the Bureau. The scarecrow will have vanished. In his place is a large vending machine. Your employee's pass will be sticking out of it. Retrieve it before you do your business at the Bureau. Antarctic Peninsula The Peninsulan entrance to the Bureau is located in Shiverpool. Go to the Mackerel Counting Station and look for an automatic weighing scale (they look a bit like ATMs, except that they have a dish sticking from their middle) labeled "4W". When you find the scale, insert your employee's pass into the slot at the base. The scale will slide back, revealing a small hole in the ground. Jump into this hole and you will arrive at the Bureau. Once you arrive, you will need to retrieve your employee's pass from the vending machines next to the entrance platform for the GourdZoid entrance (see above). Weddell The Weddell entrance to the Bureau is located at Turtle Atoll. Go to the western edge of the Shiny Forest and look for the tallest pine tree in the area. The pine tree has a low branch that curls down to ground level, with a single leaf that is curled up, like an ice cream cone (which is unusual for pine trees because they, being conifers, normally have needles instead of leaves). Insert your employee's pass in the leaf, which will constrict, as if grabbing the pass. The branch will rise up and "present" the pass to the crown of the tree, and a hole in the tree's trunk will open up after a while. Jump into this hole and you will arrive at the Bureau. Once you arrive, you will need to retrieve your employee's pass from the vending machines next to the entrance platform for the GourdZoid entrance. Sub-Antarctic Islands The Sub-Antarctican entrance to the Bureau is located at Club Penguin Island. Go to the Nightclub and look for the speaker to the left of the dance floor. It is opposite the entrance to the Boiler Room. Swipe your employee's pass across the top of the speaker, and it will open up. Climb down the ladder inside, run down the stair steps, and swipe your pass across the steel door you run into. It will open to reveal a portal to the Bureau. Jump in. West Pengolia The West Pengolian entrance to the Bureau (East Pengolians hate the Bureau as does Penghis Khan) is located near Penghis Khan's palace. Look for two rocks that look like the number "4" and the letter "W". You will notice a hairline crack running around these two rocks and a small slot underneath the gap between them. Insert your employee's pass into this slot. The entire rock formation will begin sliding down into the ground. Eventually, it will arrive at the Bureau. The rocks will be replaced by large plastic renditions of the letters "B" and "F", and your pass will still be stuck in the floor. Retrieve it before doing your business at the Bureau. Happyface State The Euphoric entrance to the Bureau is located in Iceland, the capital, and is identical to the South Pole City entrance. Freezeland The Freezelandian entrance to the Bureau of Fiction is located in Frostborough. Go to the National Museum of Freezelandian History. Outside there are two statues of High Penguins on either side of the entrance stairway. Go to either statue and insert your employee's pass into the statue's beak (O_O). The statue will vanish, and in it's place will be a chute going down. Jump into the chute and you will arrive at the Bureau. Once you arrive, you will need to retrieve your employee's pass from the vending machines next to the entrance platform for the GourdZoid entrance (see above). Geek Empire The Geek entrance can be found at the base of the Atlas Support Beam. Look around on the pole until you find what looks like a crack in the structure. Insert your employee's card in that crack. If done correctly, the section of the Beam should opem up and your card should pop out. Step into the door and ride an elevator ten stories down. When it opens, a portal will be in plain sight. Step in it and you will arrive at the Bureau. Yoenah Oddly, the obscurity of Yoenah makes a great entrance to the Bureau. Head to the "Now Entering Yoenah" sign and kick it down, and avoid suspicion from the locals (the sign raises itself up on its own, thanks to hydraulics hidden in its cement foundation). A timer will begin counting from forty-five seconds. Run to the house of the local resident named Sidney, and insert your pass in the satillite dish that picks up his channels. Make sure you are standing right in front of the card slot, because the trap door that springs open remains open for two seconds. If you fail, you have to start over. Charles' Key Since Benny is (unfortunately) a Bureau member, he requested an entrance here. Rush to the Cafeteria of Choas, ask for Chef Ax, and order an extra large order of chicken noodle soup (with a soda on the side). Take the dish and run (avoiding Chef in the process) to the Pier of Humiliation. Holding the entree in one flipper and the employee's pass in another, quickly aim the shiny side of the card at Judgement Hall. A special jet ski should drive up. Jump in it, and it will carry you around the Key and to the deep, undeveloped forest. Look for a pine tree the height of a puffle and insert your card into the slot of the metal plaque in front on said tree. The tree (which is fake) should disappear. Dive down the shoot and you will plummet ten stories down and (hopefully) land on a deluxe, plush mattress, unless Explorer has moved it. If you land on the mattress, you'll be unharmed, in a small room the size of a jail cell. If claustrophobia doesn't get to you, run to the portal on the right side of the cell and you will appear in the Bureau. This passage is a Bureau favorite because it's such a challenge, often considered "a little peice of Absolute Thespian Islet". Pengyboo Island Run to Pengyboo Main's famous red puffle pet shop (why doesn't this obscure HQA get more coverage?). At the back of the store, you should see a glass display case with a bag reading "ORGANIC HIGH QUALITY PUFFLE FOOD, DISPLAY ONLY". Insert your card in the slot near the middle of the case. The entire display should slide to the right, revealing a hole, and your pass should be spit back out. Jump in it and fall ten stories to a mattress at the bottom (if Explorer hasn't moved it). Enter the portal nearby and you'll appear at the Bureau. Dorkugal Go to Floor Thirteen (the Jerk HQ) and down to locker number 1337. A Jerk with an ID badge saying "Ashton Cool" should be nearby, wandring around and acting causal. Approach him and show him the pass. If you are not a native Dorkugese penguin, he will hand you a traditional Dorkugese robe, mess up your hair (if you have any) to look more nerdy, and supply you with a pair of nerd glasses (that are actually night-vision goggles). The Jerk, who is actually a Bureau employee, will attempt to keep your intentions secret by screaming to his "homies" that he's going to shove "yet another nerd" into a locker. He will grab you, in the Dorkugese disguise, and input a special code only he knows into the locker. You will be tossed into the locker (which lacks a floor) and fall down a chute and onto an air cushion much like the ones actors use to plunge to safety in stunts. Use the night-glasses to locate the portal (which doesn't glow) and step through it to the Bureau. You'll see another wooden door at the end of the short hallway. Open the door and a flash should go off. You've just been added to the gallery of Bureau Employees Dressed as Dorkugese Nerds. Take off the disguise and deposit it in the bin next to the camera. You're in the Bureau's main hallway now, but people will probably be laughing at you if you're not Dorkugese and/or nerdy. Lichenblossom Go to Redlink Abbey's Beverage Room and look for Tank 4W1337. There is a small control panel next to the tank. Swipe your employee's pass in the control panel slot, then push the red button, pull the green lever, flip the blue and oranges switches, and pull on the pink plunger. You must do this EXACTLY in the order given, or the tank pressure will rise to hazardous levels and bust the pipes open. If you manage to do this correctly, the tank pressure will decrease dramatically and you will hear a flushing sound, indicating that the flow of Cream Soda inside the tank has halted. Open up the small door on the top of the tank. You will see a keypad on the tank floor. Punch in the code "1337", which starts a countdown of 15 seconds. Quickly, get inside the tank and seal the door, then wait for the timer to finish. Once it does, the contents of the tank (you) will be teleported to the Bureau. Gentoo Island Arrive at the PASA Shuttle Launchpad. To the right, near the Mission Control building, there will be a statue of Georgio from Candlewick. Insert your card into one of the statue's pockets, marked with FW, then the statue will slide to the side to reveal a chute. Jump down the chute and you will land in a tank of jelly. Climb out of the tank, dry yourself off with one of the towels on the wall and take the door to the Bureau's main hallway. New Club Penguin There is a secret base called the Minus Levels, which are only used for top secret uses. On Level 0, there will be a tough-looking red penguin. There are many imposters of him. Look for the one wearing the "ML/1" pin. You will be lead down via elevator to the ground floor. There will be rooms & halls to choose from. If you see a bald penguin, your there. East Pengolia Go to the statue of Bolsheevic Penguinsky by the Fishwow city hall, at night. Climb up and stab the card with the sickle. Take it out, and the statue will disappear, with a tube underneath. Slide down and you will be on a mattress super-glued onto the floor that Explorer can't move. Chi Con This is hard. Go to the Surf Hut, and grab the blue and grey surfboard. Surf to an offshore island west of the hut (no boats or swimming), and insert your card, wait 2 seconds, and pull it out. There is a timer counting down to 4 minutes and 19 seconds. Surf back, and a Coldillac with the license plate 4W1337 will appear. Get it, and go to the Petguin jail. Ask the secretary about UBER-Hippenproxy, then show her your card, and she will put keys in front of you. Take the keys on the counter, run in and lock yourself in cell 1337. You will be teleported the entrance of the island again. Shake the tree, and you will be teleported again to the bureau. Nothing Go to Everything, and wait for a binary stream to attach to your back. Go to the electronics store, and get onto the NotLap XL. Open up Terminal, type ssh, and connect to ssh://members.4w.bureauoffiction.gov.aq:1337. Put your card into the PCMIA slot. For the password, type Tacgnol is GNOOOOOOL (six Os). You are now logged in. Type puffacs -el liza. When it loads, type analyze love. The computer now says A strange game. The only winning move is not to play. Type O RLY?, and it will say :|. Type nedm sucks then I am the limecat. The computer will say So I herd u kno ur memes? and will teleport you to the Bureau with the card. You will look either pixely and 2D or have jagged polygons and be 3D. If you are 2D, go to the Department of Images for appearance correction. If you are 3D, go to the Department of Animation, Blender division, for appearance correction. (Don't try to persuade Illustrator Keith -- he'll get scared of your appearance and run off.) Isle of Penguifornia This is avery hard, and complicated one:Go to Los Penguines International Airport, in Los Penguines, go to the MammothAir check in counter Check-In Express Machine, then type your name as Gooby Goobers, then, type your ticket identification number as your identification card. Then, your employee card will pop out of the ticket printer, once you have done this, show your card to a MammothAir check-in worker named Billy Garret, he will then bring you past the security checkpoint to Gate B-5, open the gate door with your employee card, step inside teh jetway, to it's control console, there will be a joystick on the console, push it left, down, up, right, right, left down up, up, down up, and the jetway will reveal a set of stairs to the ground, where there will be a manhole in the tarmac near the jetway's supports,and you must have a safety vest on, so no one will suspect anything, safety vests are located on a pole, beside the lower terminal enterance, there will be a slit in the manhole the size of your identification card, slide your card in. If you are verified, you will hear a friendly beep, and it will open, climb inside, and next thing you know, you'll arrive inside the Bureau. Ed Island This one is located on the river bed of Lake Center. You'll see a dome over a manhole cover (they really like manhole covers, do they?) with the letters BF on it. once you go inside there will be a room with mirrors all over it.look for the one saying THIS IS A MIRROR. If you go farther you will be there. Personalized ID Cards Certain penguins have personalized Identity Cards instead of the normal golden one. Click to enlarge. Image:Kwiksilver_ID_2.png|Kwiksilver Image:Ninjinian's_ID_Card_2.png|Ninjinian Image:Explorer's_ID_2.png|Explorer Image:Tails_ID_2.png|Tails6000 File:Dan's ID.png|Dan Image:Mayor_McFlapp's_ID.png|Mayor McFlapp Image:Director_Benny's_ID.png|Director Benny File:Proffesor Fungi ID.png|Professor Fungi File:EDFanBureauofFictionCard.JPG|EDFan File:Willy's_ID.png|Willy the Penguin File:BEN HUN ID.PNG| Ben Hun File:12yz12ab ID Card.png|12yz12ab Image Gallery File:Universal_laws.svg|A row of knife switches in the Department of Science. These switches control various universal laws. All you have to do is throw the lever.... Add more pictures of the Bureau's interior! List of Departments Note: Each department is followed by a short summary of its job. * Department of Time (controls time and history) ** History Office ** Time Agency Relations Office ** Time Ninjas (unconfirmed) * Department of Rollbacks (reverts nasty edits) ** Rollback Task Force ** Rollback Remote Production Office * Department of Sysops (does maintainence work and community organization) ** Banhammer Storage Room * Department of Surveillance (watches every single thing going on in the universe) * Department of Article Maintenance (name is self-explanatory) ** Deletion Administration Board ** Protection Administration Board ** Moving Administration Board * Department of Fonts (creates, clones, and prepares letters for usage in documents and narratives) ** Font Production Office ** Cloning Office ** Formatting Office ** Digitization and Shipping Office ** Linguistics Office (analyzes and manages languages, alphabets, and phonetics) * Department of Plot (name is self-explanatory) ** Characters Office ** Settings Office ** Plot Components & Devices Office ** Plot Generation Board * Department of Science (analyzes and controls different attributes and laws of science) ** Physics Office ** Chemistry Office ** Biology Office ** Meteorology Office ** Geology Office ** Astronomy Office ** Electromagnetics Office ** Thermodynamics Office ** Aeronautics Office * Department of Mathematics (analyzes and controls different attributes and laws of math) ** Arithmetic Office ** Algebra Office ** Geometry Office ** Trigonometry Office ** Calculus Office * Department of Conflict (deals with battle stories such as the Great Darktonian Pie War) ** Board of Strategy ** Department of Plot Relations Office * Department of Imports (manages importing real-world items into the universe and fanonizing them) ** Meme Installation Office ** Theme Song Administration Board ** Walrus Installation Office ** Human Immigration Office * Department of Machinery (maintains and fixes Bureau equipment) ** Repair Office ** Inspection Office ** Invention Office, headed by 12yz12ab. * Department of Hippenproxy (non-existent) * Department of Imagery ** Pixel Studios, Inc. * Department of Animation ** PowerPoint Division ** OO.o Impress Division More coming soon! * Moose In Black (keeps the Fourth Wall and the Bureau a secret, and occasionally goes on missions to complete tasks for the Bureau) :*Lightwood (Lightwood isn't part of the BoF but the MIB use them for storing artefacts and the study of interuniversal objects. Lightwood is controled by the MIB and the BoF send Lightwood on missions based on Antarctica) Trivia * Willy the Penguin wishes to be a part of this. Every time he tries to enter, he gets kicked out by the members. * The entire Bureau of Fiction is powered by a plethora of Brownian ratchets, which ensures that the Bureau never has to pay the bills (since Brownian ratchets convert the random motions of molecules into useful energy). * The Bureau disguises itself as a private publishing company called "Ampersand Publishing, Inc." Ironically, the alleged slogan of the company is "Where books come to life!" * Some claim that the entire Bureau (and consequently the entire universe) is a machine (think Stripedcatsnout Hall, without the socialism) under the influence of Explorer and Mayor McFlapp. However, the Masters have extensively denied this. * Add more! Weegee Controversy Starting August 23rd, an unnerving character somehow gained an ID entry into the Bureau. His name is Weegee, his origins unknown. He is silent, moving about the halls without having to adjust a signle body part... he just glides across the floor without changing poses. He peaks into offices and departments, just watching employees do their work. Of course, when the employees notice Weegee watching them, they become uncomfortable and reduce their productivity. Weegee, after a random amount of time staring, will glide away and head to some place else. Realizing his employees' concerns, Author Billybob addressed Weeegee and his unwelcome presence. The Master explained that Weegee, though unlawfully in the Bureau, is not a threat to the employees and seems to not want to hurt them (we hope). He continued by stating that they are trying to remove Weegee from the company (to no avail), and guarenteed the safety of the employees, requesting them to "ignore" Weegee and go about their jobs. Since Weegee is a strange and otherworldly entity, Bureau Employees asked to speak to the members of the Department of Imports' Meme Installation Office. When asked about it, they all reacted to Weegee with a gasp and the occasional cowering under the desk. They explained that, in Internet folklore, Weegee is a dangerous and unstoppable threat which attacks by staring at creatures dumb enough to stare back, turning them into Weegees and adding to the so-called "Weegee Army". They were relieved when they heard that Weegee was not doing anything like that, but warned everyone to not look Weegee directly in the eyes for safety concerns. They tell them to focus on some other feature on the wraith, preferably the wacky facial hair, when near him. As of now, Weegee is not a threat, they say, but his stare is unnerving. ---- The releaser of Weegee admitted to be a crazy Department of Imports member. The others claimed he read to much 1337chan and the memes made him insane, so he released Weegee with a VNC connection to Benny's laptop, which ran Doors at the time. He was later arrested by an unknown force. McFlapp is working hard to rollback the phenomena. See Also * Bureau of Fiction/Changes * Bureau of Entropy * Bureau Of Fiction Wannabes * Masters of the Universe Category:Masters of the Universe Category:Conspiracy Theories Category:Companies Category:Secret Agencies Category:Groups